Christian Living

Handling Grief: Death Of A Loved One

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I was reading about the death of Taiwo Oshadipe “one of the gospel singing duo”, and i read how her twin sister Kehinde Oshadipe is still shattered and dazed about the death of her other half.
It not gonna be easy for her, just like that.

Losing someone or something you truly love or care deeply about is very painful.
It is a very difficult time in one’s life, I can say this because I’ve been there, I lost my mum in 2012 August.
That faithful beautiful morning, I still went to her room, spoke with her, she sounded healthy, but just sleepy, which is not suppose to be a thing to be worried about considering the time. Only for me to receive a call nine hours later, to be on my way home.
The most painful thing about my mum’s death was that, there was no prior notice, no hint, she still spoke with my brother two hours before her death, no goodbye or farewell message.
I still in honestly cannot describe the kind of emotion i went through at that period of my life. Is it the Pain, the Sadness, the Disappointment, the Emptiness, the Anger, the Sock…….?

The Grief
I remember what the people were saying then: “IN EVERYTHING, GIVE THANKS”
I believe in this scripture so much, but I find it so difficult to act on the scripture or meditate on it.
I always wished then that when I’d open my mouth to sing I would sing-

Thank You thank You Lord
Thank You Lord
Thank You Lord for everything You have done
But nothing like thanksgiving song came near me or my lips. In fact whenever someone sings a thanksgiving song near me, I always seem to go suddenly “deaf and dumb”
The only song that console me then was a hymn- 
Abide with me, fast falls the eventide
The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide
When other helpers fail and comforts flee
Help of the helpless, O abide with me
What I’ve learnt from this experience and still learning is that grief is a personal and highly individual experience. The way i reacted to the loss of my mum was entirely different from the ways my siblings handled it individually. I will also say that there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. But I can state some helpful ways on how best grief can be handled..
  • Don’t ever try to ignore the pain or keep it from surfacing. The pain will not go away faster, it will only make it worse in the long run.
  • Be strong, it is very important to be strong in the face of loss. Feeling sad, angry, frightened or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. 
  • Cry, if you feel the urge to.Crying is a normal response to sadness. I remember a few days after my mum’s death, one of her favourite cousin 

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